No Work, No Fun, No Email, No SLEEP!

Tonight wasn't so bad at work.  Probably because the craps table stood dead pretty much the whole time.  I did take an E.O. even though I told myself I wouldn't.  It was slow anyway.  And I wasn't  physically up to dealing the tub for 4 hours.  It may have really done me in.  I want to feel good tomorrow.  It's Kristy's birthday and we have plans.  I took the night off so we can enjoy her day.  She and I are doing some shopping tomorrow during the day and I'll take her out to lunch.  I do treasure alone time with the girls as they are getting older.  It's precious.

I'm having issues with my yahoo mail account.  It wouldn't let me sign in.  It said my account had been comprised or something so I had to call to reset my password.  I couldn't do it online.  So I called the number.  There was a 30 minute wait.  Awesome.  I waited; not so patiently; and at exactly 29 minutes there was a series of clicks on the line and I was disconnected.  Seriously.  I called back.  After 19 minutes I got the same thing.  I called back.  Busy tone.  I called back again and got the message that due to the high volume of calls mine could not be answered.  Please try again later.  Can you say 'irritated'??? So I am still unable to get my emails and I still don't have a clue why.  Nice....

Now as I sit here and tell myself I should be sleeping, I know my mind isn't going to be easy to shut down tonight.  Maybe I'll play a little 'Words With Friends'... lol  Night All.

Fingers, Feet, Hips and Shoulders

After the past four days of totally overdoing it, I'm paying dearly with painful hands, bottoms of my feet, screaming hips and sore shoulders.  I've decided to listen to my body today and just rest before I go in to work tonight.  It's probably a little too little, a little too late.  I hate living on Vicodin and Flexeril.  I know I hate it, yet I push my body to my limits and expect not to have to take them.  Blonde.  I swear.

The up side is the rental unit is all but finished! Some light cleaning that my girls can do is left, along with some tile work that their dad is going to take care of for me.  Now to get it rented... Please, God, please. I can't continue to carry it much longer.

Tomorrow is Kristy's 21st birthday.  Where did that time go? I have no more minors for children - lol.

I still have 11 days to go until my next Rhuemy appt.  I'm anxious and nervous.  She's almost certain I'm suffering from both Lupus and RA.  If that's the case, then I wonder what treatment course will begin from there??

My demon dog decided that it was nap time so I got to use the home computer for a change.  He is SO high
maintenance.  It's a good thing he's cute.  See what I mean?

Monday Madness

It's going to be a crazy day!  I've been up and out already.  Trip to the post office and gas station are done.  I'm noticing that my hands, knees and hips are really sore today.  Probably from helping my sister move yesterday.  I always pay for overdoing it.  In about 20 minutes I'm going to tour a home that's up for sale.  I'd love to get out of my own rental property and in to a home of my own.  I'm excited to go look at it, but I'm also very down to earth when it comes to purchases.  When car shopping it takes me months.  It's already been over a year and a half of house hunting.  Who knows when I'll find the perfect place, perfectly priced, that perfectly satisfies me.  It may well be that last house I ever buy.  I can be picky if I want.

Later I'm cleaning the basement up in the rental apartment if I have time.  The painter is finished, the grouting in the kitchen is done, and almost done in the bathroom.  The carpet guy started last night.  The end is NEAR!!!  Yea!

The casino where I work is having a 'Trunk or Treat' tonight.  Obviously my own kids are too old for this, but I'm taking my 5 year old niece.  Gracie will have such a good time.  She gets to dress up and trick or treat all my friends/co-workers.

I'm planning on just throwing together a pot of chili for us for dinner.  It can simmer in the crock pot while we are at the event at the casino.  Between my body aches and my busy schedule today, I doubt if I feel like making a masterpiece tonight.

Peace to you all.

Gone To Long

I've been gone from my blog way too long.  It's been a crazy been couple of weeks.  Between my mother's doctors appointments and my own, renovating an apartment, and work, I have had little time to myself.  Plus the weather has turned colder and my bones and joints have definitely noticed the difference.

I lost a friend last week to cancer.  Her fight was strong.  She was a little soldier.  Deb fought through heart attacks, colon cancer, liver issues.  In the end her faith was strong.  She lived her life.  I went to her funeral mass last Monday and it urged me to get back to church myself.  Here's the kicker - I got up this morning, got dressed, drove the 10 miles to the Catholic church I used to attend at the time it always had been, and I was 2 hours late.  Ha ha.  God is testing me to see how strong my resolve is.  I read on the board outside that Mass is scheduled for Tuesday morning at 8.  That may be doable, if not, I will be there next Sunday at 8 am - NOT 10.

The visit with the Rhuemy went okay.  I get all my test results and xrays back in a couple of weeks.  I'm both excited and nervous.  I do want to know whats going on inside my own body, but then when I really do KNOW, I have to truly face it.  I know this makes sense to those of you with RA.

For now I have to hurry on.  My sister is moving today and I have to help with what I can.  I promise to be back soon.  Maybe I'll have followers soon...?  Maybe not.  To those of you reading -keep the faith, enjoy the good days, and laugh or at least smile through the bad.

Managing Times Three

Managing X 1
   Monday's visit to the doctor went as expected I suppose.  Dr. Miller answered a few of my questions and set me up with a Rhuemy doctor for next Monday.  I'm both excited and scared to go.  For those of you with RA, you understand.  Dr. Miller did recommend I stay on all my meds for now.  The list didn't grow though, so for that I am thankful.  He had taken me off Prednisone last visit.  I hate that stuff.  After the visit I did some errands and returned home.  Changed my clothes and went over to the empty rental apartment to survey the damages. So Monday I managed my schedule, my doctor, and my pain pretty well.

Managing X 2
   The rental that I'm beginning work on was left in such a mess that it will literally take me at least this entire month to clean up and renovate before I can even think about putting another tenant in there.  I don't enjoy losing money and I enjoy even less cleaning up after someone that was SO dirty.  I can't imagine living that way.  I won't go in to extreme detail because it's just that bad.  When I learned of the way she was living, I inspected her.  That was 2 months ago.  I expressed my concern and gave her a month to clean up.  I inspected again and it was still terrible.  Animal feces on the floors, filthy kitchen, trash everywhere.  So I told her she had to be out by the end of the month.  Tuesday I began the daunting task of pulling off the trim boards and pulling up all the laminate flooring.  Breaks my heart.  The floor was so lovely when it went in.  But she damaged it beyond repair.  I've decided to put carpeting back in that unit.  I can't afford to go with wood laminate again anyway.  Between my anger and my OCD, once I started ripping out the floor, it was difficult to stop.  My hands, hips, legs, and shoulders started screaming at me after about 5 hours so I had to.  So Tuesday I managed my property well, but not my pain or my OCD...haha...

Managing X 3
   So, yesterday I was SO sore and in pain that I could do nothing.  I knew I had over done it on Tuesday working in that apartment.  But, I also have to get it done.  I go back to work tonight and won't have a chance to get back in there now until Sunday I'm sure.  Work takes so much out of me that I can't imagine I will feel well enough to rip out flooring, scrub down walls, or paint on those days.  Wednesday I managed to do nothing! Which is a huge achievement for me.

Family, Football and Fatigue

I worked almost 10 hours last night on Craps.  It was a decent game.  We did have one or two that basically kept us bent over the entire time so I was feeling the effects of that when I got up this morning.  I only slept about 3 hours.  That's about my average for Saturday night/Sunday morning rest.  I got up, dealt with Houdini and his needs, grabbed a cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal, then settled in for a little bit.  I was pretty sore.  My hands, feet, and shoulders ached.  And my legs were swollen.  Some things the meds just don't seem to be helping much.  This I will mention to my doctor tomorrow.  After a hot shower, Kayla and I went to my moms for lunch.  My brother was the only other one there today because Danyell was throwing Maelee a party for her 2nd birthday at 3.  We took Mom over with us after lunch.  I was definitely tired and hurting but the little ones make me so happy it just doesn't matter.  Maelee had such a good time too.  She is an adorable little girl.  We left about 5.  I did take a nap when I got home.  I just had too.  I hate sleeping that late in the day.  When I woke up I had a terrible pain in my right shoulder.  Great.  A new one.

My beloved Chiefs are now 5-0.  Who would have ever thought THAT? It's thrilling to see them finally doing well again.  My dad, I'm sure, is smiling down and raising one up for them today.

So, doctor appointment tomorrow.  We will be discussing the Rheumy he is recommending for sure.  And how my diet plan is working.  And pain levels.  Of course I have questions.  I always do.  It may or may not be time for the shots I get in my hips...love those...right.

I have had a rough couple of weeks, but I am recovering.  Mentally.  It's funny how it just smacks me right in the face some days.  I'm not a whiner, and I don't talk a lot about it with anyone.  Oh and I when I do I get the dreaded "You don't look sick" or "Arthritis isn't that bad anymore, right?" or "Are you THAT old?".  I've had a hard time adjusting.  That's where my room for improvement has to come in. So this is what I've got, but I'm not going to let it get me down.  Not every day anyway.  One day at a time.  Admit that I can't carry 10 bags of groceries at once anymore because my hands scream in pain...and that it's okay.  I can make an extra trip to the car.  Not a big deal.  I don't have to carry 2 kids on my hips anymore and balance all that.  The girls are grown.  They can help me.  Even if it is hard to ask. Learning to count my blessings in a different way.  Thank you God that I can move today with a minimum amount of pain.  Thank you God that I slept 4-5 hours in a row.  Thank you God.  And on super bad days - Thank you God that I have a support system that I can lean on.  I know others don't.  So stop being so damn stubborn and use it.  :)

Friday Fail

I failed to get a post in yesterday. It was a hectic morning running errands before going in to work early. Still, this is suppose to be a 'no excuses' zone. So this one may be short to leave space for today's actual post later. 

I did fairly well on the diet front. I busted out the Vanilla Chocolate Almond milk and it was actual quite good. A happy surprise. I did make a huge mistake at work. I ate from the deli. Typically I don't take that chance and I shouldn't have last night either. I got a grilled chicken salad and I'm thinking the chicken wasn't thoroughly cooked. About a half hour after eating I felt the rumblings. Ugh. An hour later on my break I was vomiting.  So when my Pit Manager asked if I wanted to go home at 8 o'clock I said yes. Please. 

Other than the tummy troubles, physically I'm feeling the effects of the weather change. Hips, knees, ankles, hands. Taking meds. Praying for better days. 

Headaches and Heartaches

I woke up this morning with a pretty bad headache.  Not a migraine, thank God.  I medicated and did the best I could to rest and relax.  When I felt up to it, I had a bowl of cheerios with my almond milk.  It's been raining.  Enough said for people with arthritis.  But, for those of you reading without it, that means pain and stiffness in pretty much every joint.  Houdini has been in and out several times.  I don't enjoy that when it's raining.  Drying him off is like wrangling a wild pig.  His morning nap couldn't come early enough.

My friend Jey told me this morning that he was still waiting for results.  Then this afternoon he text me that they believe it could be Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma.  Trying to stay positive.  And it isn't a definite yet.  They are doing a bone marrow biopsy tomorrow.  I've had one of those and they are NOT pleasant.  But I'm praying for him...

Now I'm getting ready to go to work.  Obviously I work nights.  We'll have to see how it goes.  Between the headache and the heartache it might prove to be a pretty rough shift.

Ups and Downs

After a restless sleep our dynamic dog, a 2 year old Klee Kai / Sheba Inu mix named Houdini, woke me with a high pitch whine to let me know it was time to get up and see to his needs.  This is not a new development.  Houdini can be a bit on the high maintenance side.  I do have to say that he instinctively knows when I'm not feeling well.  He stays calmer and sweeter than usual.  He will stare into my soul as well.  As if to say 'Hey Mom, I get it. I'll try to be good today, but no promises.'  This morning he did his normal in and out routine about 4 times in 2 hours.  Ate his breakfast.  Barked for ice - the dog doesn't drink much water, but WOW does he crunch a LOT of ice.  Then settled in for a quick nap until the girls started to arise.  Kayla, my oldest, was up first and letting me know that she was off work today so she was available to lend mom a hand.  Good news!  Kristy, the youngest, drug herself out of bed shortly before noon.  She loves to sleep.  She didn't have to be to work until this afternoon.  I put the dog chores off on them.

I received an unsettling phone call from one of my very best friends.  Seems he is in ICU with heart troubles and some unknown issues.  So I was on and off the phone with him a couple of times this morning.  Stressful.
I took my meds, got ready and went to town to get some errands taken care of and the grocery shopping done.  I can't stress how different that is now.  My hips hurt quite a bit.  I can't grip things as well as I did even 3 months ago.  My mind does wander.  I wonder if that is from the meds, the pain, my age (lol), or just maybe a combination of all three.  I don't like that it takes me longer to get it done either.  I'm one of the few women that doesn't enjoy any kind of shopping.  Especially groceries.  Anyway, by the time I was finished with all of my tasks I was tired, stressed, and my ankles were swollen.  I was limping too.  I should have taken the dreaded CANE with me, but I still see it as a symbol of weakness.  I am a bit stubborn, I know.  And I also know that I must accept the changes my body has presented me with.  It doesn't mean I have to do it gracefully, right?

After arriving home Kayla helped carry things inside, talked with me and watched the demon dog while we put things away and I started the dishwasher.  We decided the family is having 'brinner' tonight - that's breakfast food for dinner btw.  I have terribly high cholesterol, so my eggs are out of a carton.  They aren't so bad.  And my milk is vanilla almond milk.  Also, not so bad.  Having grown up on a dairy farm, the milk thing was definitely more difficult than the egg thing.  And while they are enjoying fresh bacon and breakfast sausage, I will be having 10 grain toast with natural peanut butter and sugar free grape jelly...yea...

I did have to take a xanax today.  And a Lortab.  My pain level was pretty high.  As well as my stress level.  I don't enjoy taking either one, but have learned that without them life is rather difficult and painful.  And so is moving.  :)  I try to keep a good sense of humor about things.  My dad was a pro at that.  I try.

I think a nap is in my immediate future.  I'm praying I hear something from my friend soon.  And I'm hoping to sleep tonight just a little bit sounder.  If not, you might just see me again.

IN THE BEGINNING...

This is my therapy rhuem...

First I'll share a little history with you of the things that I have been through over the past 7 years.  In 2006 I was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer.  Luckily, beginning stages and easily removed with a hysterectomy.  Still, extremely scary.  At the same time a mammogram was ordered and a small spot was found on the side of my left breast.  Again a 'lucky' break and was taken care of by a lumpectomy.  I took a pill form of chemo, some radiation, and I regularly went in for check ups.  Remission was formerly proclaimed in late '07.  2009 it was discovered that I was showing precancerous cells.  Laser therapy and more pills.  Precautionary I was told.  For the following 18 months I battled on and off with sickness, depression, fear.  I'm happy to say that I am cancer free as of today.  Although about a year and a half ago I was told that I had all the signs and symptoms of SLE form of Lupus.  I lived every day with pain.  I have for several years.  I also have sensitivity to sunlight, I break out in rashes, I have joint issues, muscle pain, and terrible migraines that have plagued me since age 13.  So I began a treatment plan and hoped for the best.  The problem was the doctor I had just wasn't involved.  She didn't listen to me.  She also could never really tell me if I actually HAD Lupus or not.  With all the research I did on my own I do know that it IS very difficult sometimes to diagnose properly.  It doesn't always show up in blood work.  You almost have to be in full 'flare'.  The medication I was taking didn't seem to help.  And the pain kept increasing.  As well as the fatigue.  I was having panic attacks.  I was SO depressed.  The migraines increased.  My hair was falling out at an alarming rate.  It hurt to stand, to sit, to sleep, to walk.  I had to eventually let go of my full time job.  That's when I decided to go in search of a new doctor.  I found one.  A good one.  He questioned the meds I was taking, gave me tests I'd NEVER had before, prescribed therapies for my joints and muscles - I loved the physical therapist he recommended - and truly listened to my symptoms, complaints, and even my mental state.  He told me to write things down.  I've never had a doctor who was so involved and so set on finding out what was going on with me. That's been about a year ago.  Approximately five months ago my hands started aching.  I mentioned it once, then a small, painful bump showed up on my finger.  I showed the doc a month ago and he asked to get some blood.  Then I got the call.  

Rhuematoid Arthritis...

I was standing in my sister's kitchen.  I was there babysitting her grandson that day.  So unprepared for that kind of news.  I knew something about RA.  My brothers mother in law has it.  At that specific time she was actually in the hospital.  Again.  Her pain, suffering, loss of movement, her hands... It all was like a flash in my brain.  I stared at my hands and the small bump on my ring finger of my left hand that inspired my doctor to run that damn test in the first place, and I cried.  

So, these past 5 weeks have been a real rollercoaster.  New meds right away.  I have an appointment coming up with my doctor who has a Rhuematologist recommendation for me.  Several new bumps have risen up on my fingers, elbows, and I think one on my back.  But, that may have been there for awhile and I just didn't notice it until now.  A new diet plan.  I'm trying is all I can say about that one... 

I go through the 'why me's' and the pity parties.  I get sad, mad, depressed.  But I also have hope.  Hope that I can conquer this somehow too.  I kicked cancers ASS for crying out loud!  I refuse to end up crippled from this until I just can't help it anymore.  And this blog is going to help me do that.  This is where I will vent, where I can brag about my small victories, share my defeats, and let it all go for the day.  Doctor recommended, and well accepted on my part... Hope.  Peace.